so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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