I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize