Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
