you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
