Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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