i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
