i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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