cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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