you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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