i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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