I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
