I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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