summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
