i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I supernannyed him into submission
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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