I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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