i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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