they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
