last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
