I feel like I'm in dance class right now
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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