Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
