I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
