so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
