My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
