I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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