She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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