so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We are all done wearing pants today
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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