I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
