I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
