If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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