if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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