I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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