how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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