I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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