I want to have your abortion
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We're too hungover to prance.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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