the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
