do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
