Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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