I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do vagina's smell?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
