something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
