I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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