is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
