It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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