you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
