Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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