I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
