I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
