so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
