Is it because I queefed?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
