So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
