I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
