I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
