she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
