There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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