Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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