Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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