felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
