gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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