i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
