well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
