she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
