Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
