apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
