new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize