Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
