Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
