It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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