we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
