when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
