is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
