you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
