He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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