operation harelip BJ is a go
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
