Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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