All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
