Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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