apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
