One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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