Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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