Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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