so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
