she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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