He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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