He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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