my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
