I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
