I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
