Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
