I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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