So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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