Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
