ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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