Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
