Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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