Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Come share oat with me in your robe
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
