1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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