Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
