Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
