Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i will never coherently bang her
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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