Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
